Archive for the ‘In the News’ Category

Apple Inc refuses cash for HypePhone

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

What the hell is this? Apple refuses cash? As in, “This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private” type of cash? Does this make them bigger than the government?

Breaking news alert – The Internet Crashed!!

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

See the video below for more on this important story.


Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

BumBottomButtAss

Monday, July 2nd, 2007

A giant yellow star that squints harder than Michael Dudikoff is suing a clown that’s married to a woman named Cricket. That’s right, another war is happening and this time It’s Personal. It seems that Carl’s Jr. is feeling litigious against Jack in the Box for a series of commercials that are currently running. Slow news day I guess…

I could give a flying pig’s eye about who is going to win this one. Jack in the Crack uses onion in their mayo and CJ’s hasn’t made a decent burger since ol’ Carl was ousted back in ‘93.

This is why the rest of the world laughs at us.

On a personal note, I used to be a Box Boy/Bagger/Convenience Clerk…whatever the kids call it these days, and one time I had the pleasure of bagging the items that were being purchased by none other than Carl N. Karcher (Mr. Carl’s Jr.). This was at Alpha-Beta #28, on Euclid at La Palma in Anaheim, CA, sometime during the year of 1991. Mr. Karcher was a very nice old gentleman. I remember that he only bought a bunch of ketchup and beer, something that I found odd at the time but which I perfectly understand now.

Keith Richards reported to be very close with his dad

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Is this a real story? I dunno Man, I dunno.

Gah!

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Dude, seriously, wtf?

I’m not a car thief, I’m an actor. Follow me!

Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

I just got finished watching this high-larious pilot that never got picked up for a television show. Written by Conan O’Brien and Robert Smigel, starring Adam West, “Lookwell” takes us on a journey with Ty Lookwell, a former actor that used to have a detective show, as he tries to solve the mystery of the stolen cars.

Too bad this thing never made it, Adam West was frickin’ funny with some great lines… “Perhaps if you watched a bit more television you’d be better at your job” and “It’s all the rage in Minnesota” are a couple of my favorites. So if you have twenty-three minutes go watch.

War? What war? Oh. The cola wars. Hmm. Seems like a couple of idiots thought they’d put The Squeeze on Coca-Cola by stealing some trade secrets and selling them to Pepsi. How come this has never happened with KFC and Popeye’s?

Explode-A-Chino

Friday, May 5th, 2006

How many of you thought that a self-heating can of coffee was a good idea? I was always wary because the heating was caused by a chemical reaction. Turns out that it’s a bad idea after all. I can’t understand who would buy pre-made coffee that takes a bunch of time to heat up…isn’t that why coffee shops were invented???

Bigger Mac

Monday, April 24th, 2006

That famous Scottish hamburger chain will be selling a limited-edition Bigger Big Mac in Europe to celebrate the World Cup. Why can’t they sell it here? I’ve always thought that Big Macs have been getting smaller. Are they afraid to sell the burger in the U.S. because people still remember the original Big Mac and will figure out that they’ve been getting ripped off for the past fifteen years?

via [Beyond Madison Avenue]

Arrest warrant sought for Cynthia McKinney

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

Someone wants to arrest congresswoman Cynthia McKinney. No, we’re not related.

Changes

Saturday, April 1st, 2006

It’s been quiet over here lately because I’ve been setting up a deal. Looks like the deal just came through. I accepted a position in Paris, working for Paris Match as their political commentator. I’ll be covering the French Socialist job strike on Tuesday. In case you’re not aware, the French Parliament adopted the “First Employee Contract” law, aka CPE. This contract allows a company to fire anyone under the age of 26 during a two-year trial period without having to give a reason. More here.