Forty
Gary Coleman is forty years old. Born in ‘68. Yep. Yesterday, February 8, Gary Coleman turned forty-fucking-years-old.
Jesus, he’s not that much older than I am. I am so fucked. He doesn’t look a day over fifteen and I don’t look a day younger than fifty. A pair of the Gary’s pants hang on the set of Jimmy Kimmel’s show. The last place I saw my pants? Spinning at sixty-seven revolutions per minute in a dryer at some public clothes-washing place. On “low” because heat shrinks jeans. And you can only throw them in the dryer for about ten minutes before it’s time to take them out and hang them on a wire. Sixty-seven RPM’s? Yes, I counted.
Adult life is very different than what I imagined when I was seven.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:50 am
I loved this post even though it made me feel old. If Gary Coleman is 40, I am frightened. I am still trying to get over my absolute heartbreak at the death of Dana Plato. I always had a crush on Kimberley Drummond.
By the way, we will hang your pants on our wall.
February 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Remember when Kimberly washed her hair in the copper bowl and it turned green? Man, that was hot.
K - why do you have my pants???
February 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
O. How soon the fondue makes you forget!
Swiss food has a habit of removing one’s pants. And, we knew that you would make it big one day. So, we have them in the archives.
February 12th, 2008 at 9:05 am
The best advice anyone has ever given me about growing old was from Grandmaster Ratte’ of Cult Dead Cow:
” Yes, but imagine how those people used to be. They were young once.
They had dreams. But look what happened. Shot to hell in a denial of human spirit, of love & compassion, shot to hell with an orgy of greed and selling out, of forgetting what’s important in life.
Just remember you may wake up some day, with a wasted unhappy life and wonder why. Why? The question goes unanswered.”
http://www.cultdeadcow.com/cDc_files/cDc-0016.php
February 13th, 2008 at 1:57 am
@ K-Dog - Somebody rolled me that night. Took my pants, then my wallet (I don’t carry my wallet in my “outer” pants). If I see that shit on eBay I’m gonna flip. You know my wallet, it’s the one that says “Law-Abiding Citizen” on it.
@ Drew - Nice link. I like the moral and I think I dodged that bullet (so far…). Funny, when I was seven I used to play “grocery store” by myself and then ended up working at two different chain grocery stores for a few years. Maybe adult life is exactly what I imagined at that age…